We often tell ourselves that if only something were different, we’d finally feel at peace—less frustrated, less overwhelmed, less lonely. Yet, time and time again, even when life changes in ways we hoped it would (meeting the right partner, getting married, having a child), those same old feelings eventually find their way back.
With many of the clients I work with, and even in my own life, I see this theme: a never-ending list of to-dos that feels like it’s constantly keeping us from finding a moment of rest. We imagine that if we could just get a break from it all, we’d feel happier and more at ease.
It’s easy to look at all these responsibilities and feel like they’re running our lives. It can feel as if these tasks have life-or-death urgency to our nervous system.
But in truth, no task, person, or situation is forcing us to live this way. Yes, sometimes something genuinely needs our attention immediately, but what about all the other times we act like it’s urgent too?
Regardless of the life stage, we often look back and think, “I had so much time back then.”
Yet back then, we likely felt the same scarcity around time. Because it’s not really about time, or the tasks on our list—it’s about our need to feel worthy, to be seen as capable and good.
The belief that our worth is tied to our productivity is deeply ingrained, and unlearning it isn’t easy. But our value isn’t in how much we accomplish.
When I chose to spend a morning sleeping in a bit, taking my dog on a long walk while listening to a music before I get started with work, the world doesn’t end.
Next time you feel held captive by your responsibilities, remember: no one else is putting you in that position—you’re allowed to let go.
New York Therapist
